What does it mean to be self-sufficient? According to the dictionary, it is defined as “needing no outside help in satisfying one’s basic needs”, or “emotionally and intellectually independent”. Self-sufficiency means we are not dependent on others to fulfil our needs, both physically and emotionally. If we strive to be like this, does that mean we should no longer need others?
In Seneca’s letter On Philosophy and Friendship, he asked the question: Does a self-sufficient person need friends? If someone is already emotionally and intellectually independent, what would friendship bring to that person’s life?
A common thinking is that a friend is someone who can share your joys and your troubles. A friend knows your deepest thoughts, can advise you on important matters, and can help you when you stumble. However, Seneca has a contrary opinion on the merits of friendship. He said that we should
enter friendships not because of what you can gain from the other person, but from what you can bestow upon them.
Not, however, for the purpose mentioned by Epicurus in the letter quoted above: “That there may be someone to sit by him when he is ill, to help him when he is in prison or in want;” but that he may have someone by whose sick-bed he himself may sit, someone a prisoner in hostile hands whom he himself may set free.
Seneca
Being self-sufficient allows us to express the purest form of friendship: one that takes another’s needs before their own. In the Bible, Jesus said: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.“
Getting to know someone in order to gain their good side and have them do favors for you in the future is not the purpose of friendship.
One who seeks friendship for favorable occasions, strips it of all its nobility.
Seneca
Wants and Needs
Does being self-sufficient mean that you do not need anything at all? Of course not! Self-sufficiency is still within the confines of the world and the society we live in. You can grow your own food, but you still need to eat.
Seneca explains this better:
The wise man needs hands, eyes, and many things that are necessary for his daily use; but he is in want of nothing. For want implies a necessity, and nothing is necessary to the wise man.
To illustrate, Seneca tells the story of Stilpo, a philosopher centuries before Seneca lived. When Stilpo’s hometown was ransacked, his whole family killed and his possessions destroyed, the conqueror Demetris asked whether he has lost anything. Stilpo replied, “I have all my goods with me!“.
This made Demetris doubt whether he had conquered anything at all. Not even complete destruction of their family and livelihood strips a wise man of their self-sufficiency.
Stoicism teaches us that our situation is what we make of it. The same event can have completely opposite effects depending on how people interpret the situation.
Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth, is unhappy, though he be master of the whole world.
Epicurus
It is not what you have, but how you feel about the things you have, which determines your happiness. It also determines your self-sufficiency. Give two people a million dollars, and you can get completely different responses. One will find it an absolute miracle and become content, and another still won’t feel self-sufficient even with the same amount of money.
Seneca reminds us: “What does your condition matter, if it is bad in your own eyes?“
Photo by Marco Casella