This is my most favorite photo of all time:
There is something with this photo that exudes feelings of warmth and gentleness. Perhaps because it shows the purity of love and commitment mothers have for their child.
I think women are not born with the innate ability to be mothers. But when the time comes for their motherhood, they do their best to care for their offspring. This is often done even without the benefit of prior training or education. They suddenly get thrust into this world wherein the baby that they delivered is now fully dependent on them. And because of this dependence, they had to let go of certain aspects of their lives: their free time, their career, their social life.
People seem to identify themselves with what they do at their job. “I am a teacher/doctor/engineer/manager“, is what we usually say when someone asks for an introduction. When two strangers meet, one of the very first questions is “What do you do in your job?“. But for mothers who chose to fully care for her family, this question now becomes difficult. What is my job? What do I say? Who am I now?
And so when they respond, “I am a full-time mom“, or “I am a housewife“, it is sometimes accompanied by feelings of insecurity. In a society where your career is your identity, not having a “normal” job feels like a sin.
Leap of faith
My wife shared with me the challenges of giving up her career to care for our child. Not only were a part of her identity, years of career experience and knowledge were now unused, but her ability to earn her own money stopped as well. I can somehow imagine what it would be like to be in her position, but I cannot fully grasp the emotions accompanying that reality.
She has a difficult time accepting that all of our resources are also hers. In my heart of hearts I know that this is not just mine. The vows we took when we got married are not just for ceremony. The arrhae I gave to her meant that what is mine is hers, and not just because some law decrees it.
Everything we have right now isn’t just my own doing. I would not be able to focus on my work unless I know that my child and our home is taken care of. Every cent of income that we earned is because of the partnership that we have, and I would not have gotten to where I am now if I am only by myself.
Our wives took the leap of faith by entrusting us the task of keeping the family afloat. This should make us husbands not just inspired to work hard, but also humbled by this trust. We need to make damn sure that we do not fail our family.
The most difficult job
Motherhood is often a thankless, grueling job. Imagine being on call for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with few breaks in between. As children, we do not appreciate this until we are older or have children of our own. There is a reason why when we get seriously ill or injured, we call to our mothers for help, even if they are no longer here. The comfort they gave us when we were young is still the same comfort that we yearn, that we know will keep us going.
Mothers are tasked with both the most difficult and the most important job in society. They are the ones who create and shape the future. The children that they bear will grow up and become leaders, for better or for worse. And as if that is not enough, they are also tasked with a final heartbreaking job: that the one they nourished and took care of for all those years need to go out into the world. A mother needs to let go of the one she truly loved.
Careers are good and all, but they do not last. Eventually you will become too old to do your job, that is, if you were not replaced first. We work hard for something that will not even matter in our deathbed. But mothers are doing the only job that matters: we can replace our job, or they can replace us, but family is forever. Sometimes it takes us too long and too late to realize that truth.
Sure, a husband’s role is important in a family as the traditional provider. But while I can only provide the means for food and shelter, my wife’s role is even more important: she provides life.