Taking a quick rest in my bed one evening, I suddenly remembered about my time letter. Back in 2008 I decided to write a letter to myself that I intend to open ten years later. I quickly searched for the letter in my computer, and opened it for the first time in a decade.
July 13, 2008
“Good morning, me.
Did you sleep well?
And did you wake up well?
Does the light and the wind,
the air and the smell,
all feel brand new?
Is each and every cell in your body awake now?
Today, you are who you are today.
You are a newer version of me.
Myself ten years from now…
That’s so far away for me that I can’t even begin to imagine.
Am I alone?
Or is there a wonderful person next to me?
Well, knowing me, I’m sure I am troubling
a lot of different people.
But that’s all right.
There’s no problem.
I will always be cheering you on.
I am no longer here
But I’m here today, and Ill always be
cheering for you right here…
Cheering for you, my only self.”
That was the first part of the letter. This is not something that I originally wrote but it is a quote from the 18th episode of Cowboy Bebop. In that episode, one of the main characters discovered an old video recording of her younger self, but she no longer remembers that time due to lost memories. After watching that episode it inspired me to write one for myself.
2008 was a difficult time. Having no job for months, dwindling savings, and problems with friends, I spent most of my time alone in my room. While this may seem like a bad thing, the good result is greater introspection and self-analysis.
I found myself depressed and confused back then, probably what you might call a “quarter-life crisis”.
Pain and suffering is inevitable, but I realized that all of this is temporary anyway.
He highlighted the weaknesses in my personality and listed them one by one. I found it refreshing that I was able to articulate these attributes honestly and openly. Then he asked me if I am different now.
If you are still feeling the same things as I described above, then don’t despair. This is happening because I am you. I, and you, are unique and have these unique traits. What we can change is how we handle these things.
While some of those weaknesses have been addressed, there are still some that remain. Reading and studying Stoicism helped me a lot in navigating my thoughts and curbing my weaknesses. My life experiences since then shaped me the most.
I know it is not healthy dwelling in the past, but at least give respect to the memories of other lives you touched and have touched you.
Even though that time was hard, he remained optimistic about the future.
So here, I am sealing it and if you are reading it now, then I am relieved, I survived after 10 years. I know you did well.
You – 10 years ago.
I was already in tears as I reached the end of the letter. His message for me that I did well felt like words from a close friend or a treasured mentor.
I looked up as I finished the letter, envisioned me sitting in my room ten years ago, and smiled. “Thank you“, I whispered to my old self.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash